I needed to be rescued. And I was the only one that could save myself. After having my children I felt like I no longer knew my own beauty.

I was lost in a room of magazines displaying images of women that did not look like me. I am a mom and the truth of the matter is that after we have a children most of us go through physical changes with our bodies.


Whether it’s stretch marks on our bodies, our breast have lost the elasticity, having the infamous pouch, or just having difficulty loosing the baby weight is enough to feel a ways about our beauty.

I took the steps letting go of the women I once was and finding the woman I was evolving to be.

I Defined My Own Beauty

What is beauty? How can we define it? Or should I ask, how can we define own? Beauty comes in all forms and it is in the eye of the beholder.

It’s hard to focus on our own beauty because society has set the standard of what beauty is. I’m referring to outer beauty for the moment, but whatever you harbor inside will outshine the physical beauty. But we will discuss that in a later post.

Me22 Let’s have a deep discussion about how we define our own beauty. Let’s break away from what we see on our social media feeds because we will never know what our own beauty looks like because we are trying to obtain something a look that technically doesn’t exist. It’s great to admire, but when it starts to become an obsession and comparing yourself to others is when it begins to be a problem. I have had a struggle with my own beauty because I no longer felt like I knew the woman staring back in the mirror. I was constantly comparing my beauty to the women I saw in my social media feed or in magazines. Defining your beauty can mean a host of different things, but only you know what makes you beautiful. It should not begin with wanting to change your body with plastic surgery if it’s not needed. It’s about embracing your curves, your lips, your hair, your skin and everything else about yourself. I took steps to make sure I was confident with the woman I am. I needed to know for myself that I was beautiful. It’s still an up hill battle, but at the end it will be worth it. So here is my journey.
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Rescuing myself

First, I knew I needed to snap out of that feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t look like other women real fast. I knew I was not that woman to obsess over looks, but I wanted to define my own beauty because I am the only copy of myself, so that made me unique.

I could not be happy unless I truly embrace everything about myself. I had rescue myself from the toxic thoughts I became prisoner to. The thoughts that told me I was not beautiful or not enough. The thoughts that had me stuck mentally.

Quite social media

Second, I needed to quite social media for awhile. I needed to detox from the things that triggered my negative thoughts. And have a more healthier relationship with myself.

  Following the trends of what magazines say or what the latest celebrity is was up to was not for me and may not be right for you. I have been in a place in my life where I would buy this or that because it would do this for me. And in all honesty it did not help because I was already a broken person inside so it did not matter what I bought, changed, or followed I still needed to work on the woman inside.

Reprogrammed my mind/Wrote a letter to myself

The next thing I did was reprogram my mind to not think about myself in a negative way anymore. I never degraded myself, but I knew the damage was done. And only I could change the toxic behavior.

So every morning when I woke up, I would look in the mirror and speak beauty into my life. I spoke positivity into my life. I spoke words of kindness into my life. I told myself I am beautiful because “………”. I also used the time to apologize for how I treated myself all those years. Me23 After my morning rituals I said the mantra “I am beautiful” I am loved” and “I am strong”. Anytime I felt negativity creep into my thoughts I would go back to my mantras. I began to write letters to myself shortly after to just spend time with me. The letter were therapeutic because I was writing them in a way of releasing the bad and welcoming the good. If I had a bad day I would express them in a letter.

Listing my beauty

When I wrote my letters to myself I would always start with “my lips are beautiful because……”. I would list all the reason why my lips were beautiful.

My list was also about the things I did not think were beautiful and list the reason why I felt this way. After I would sit and read my list, study it, sit with those thoughts and then turn it around. It was and still is a process for me because I need(ed) to connect my mind and my heart. There was no point believing what was in my heart that those features were beautiful if my mind felt a different way. So if it took me a week or a month to process it, it would just be that.


After I finally connected my mind and heart with my list of beauty I would find a way to celebrate it.

For example after I had my children I have the worst stretch marks on my tummy, so I stopped wearing a two piece bathing suit. So once I followed the previous steps I went out and bought a two piece. I didn’t wear it right a way, but I knew at some point I would wear it when the time would present its self. So one day a co-worker asked me to go to the beach. This was my chance to see if all this work I was doing for my well-being had paid off. And I did IT!!! Without a cover up! I was happy with my stretch marks because it’s apart of me now. I no longer needed to hide it because I was happy. It felt great because no one made a fuss about it and I no longer cared if they did. Let’s start celebrating our beauty. Let’s start embracing who we are and loving it. Defining your beauty is the moment when you tell people that you are confident about every part of yourself inside and out.

Defining our beauty is about what you find beautiful about yourself. Everyone may not feel the same way you do about how you view yourself and that’s OK, but we should not change ourselves because “they” don’t see the beauty in you.

Culture should not define beauty. It’s up to the person to understand that we all are different and we are beautiful in our own way.

Until next time. Stay beautiful, xoxo, Teniqua

6 thoughts

  1. you are gorgeous inside in out! I love this post, it resonates with me so well. I was allowing myself to be defined by outside things, but really my beauty was trying to find its way out so that I could see the real me and my real beauty. Thank you for such a wonderful post! πŸ™‚ I wish you well on your continued journey!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words. I truly appreciate it. It’s hard now a days to really accept ourselves and have a support system. I’m happy I posted this because I was afraid no one would read it. But now I see I needed to post it because someone would. 😁


  2. This is such a wonderful post! I’m so glad you are realizing how beautiful you are 😌 also side note: in every single picture I am in complete awe of your hair! It’s gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

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